I wish

I wish there could have been intimacy and chocolate, pizza and wine, candy and coke. A movie, some conversation, laying around, spending time. It would've been great. But i cant have what I want, right...

the apple of my eye

I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim.

Monster

and the big bad boogie-man just keeps growing in my closet.

why...

did the bones collide?

The necklace

It was in her bag now. Thrown in there with the rest of the meaningless, replaceable stuff. She didn’t even remember it was there. Maybe even if it existed. But it was there.
It was a symbol, really. A gift. So that she would never be alone. So that every time she would feel like that, all she had to do was hold it in between her fingers and remember them, the person who gave it to her. Se was not alone.
But something happened. Things changed. And the symbol was now lost and meaningless and thrown in a bag and forgotten. It was now a symbol of disaster. Of something gone wrong and someone she didn’t want to remember maybe. It hurt her when she did. And she was feeling alone.
The symbol, the number, the magic of it, was gone. Disappeared. She didn’t know when or how. It just did. Just wasn’t there anymore. That thing she used to carry so proudly around her neck was just a painful reminder now.
So she tossed it in her bag. Lost. Forgotten where it couldn’t hurt her. She didn’t miss it. Didn’t notice it.
But someone did someone noticed since the first day it was gone. Someone missed it. Someone to whom it was a symbol too. Someone who wanted her not to feel alone. Someone who gave it to her with that purpose.
And the plaque with a number that was the necklace started to make a scar upon that someone’s heart. And it burned every day that that someone saw the naked neck.
With time, the wound got deeper and deeper, and it was not because it of just a necklace. Not just because it was a symbol. But because of what it meant. And that someone loved the girl with(out) the necklace. And it hit them. The realization that it might not be enough. And that hurt them more than anything, and they sank. They’ve been sinking ‘till then. Their greatest fear of all took form now. It hit them like a train. They went to sleep and woke up, and everything was a nightmare. There’s no escape from self. And it was your fault.
The necklace chase after you, reminding you of your failure. Always there. Never there. A naked neck. An open wound. You’re nothing, no one. You’re useless and weak. Bang bang. You’re dead. And it’s all you’re fault. You took the necklace away. It’s empty now because of you. You know that and you cant stand it. You’re not strong enough. Go! You’re making her cry! Die! You don’t belong, you don’t deserve her. You cant have her...
And the necklace devours you. Forever…

white out

and i cant stop the tears from falling every single night

no need

you dont have to wait for me anymore if u dont want to...

bang bang kill kill

But oh, don’t I know I’m just digging my own grave?
Can someone else please save myself from me?

Trigger

Bang Bang, guess I shot my baby down.

Im sorry

Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold...

In silence

Oh my heart afureteita...

past

eu não quero minha vida antiga, meus amigos antigos, meus sonhos antigos de volta. são passado e se são é porque foi melhor assim.

numb

I feel numb

and here i am, breaking down in all possible ways

Eu tenho pensado bastante. Sobre tudo. As coisas não estão exatamente fáceis pra mim agora. Eu também tive uma conversa sabe? E cada dia que passa eu percebo que não só que eu sou muito pior do que eu pensava, mas que as coisas estão piores tb. Mas me fizeram ver que desistir do que eu mais quero não é a solução e eu tomei uma decisão. Eu ão sabia como, mas eu não ia desistir de tentar fazer isso dar certo. Eu disse que ia tomar esse tempo pra pensar, e eu tenho pensado. Hoje principalmente. Eu penso mais quando não tenho nada pra fazer.
O caso é que eu as coisas estão bem feias pra mim. E todo esse tempo aqui eu tenho pensado que eu não tô sozinha e que eu tenho alguém pra quem voltar. Era só isso que eu estava esperando, a hora de voltar pra você. Você tem sido a unica coisa que me mantém inteira agora. VocÊ tem razão eu sou fria. E talvez eu não consiga fazer você ver isso, nem lidar com esses problemas e muitas vezes distorcer as coisas. Mas não quer dizer que eu não as sinta. E você não faz idéia do quanto dói me assistir destruindo a gente e não conseguir fazer nada pra parar.
Hoje, mais do que nunca, eu estava com essa idéia na minha cabeça, de não desistir, por mais dificil que fosse, por mais que eu ache que eu estou fazendo mal a você e que eu não consigo manter um relacionamento. Ai eu sentei nessa cadeira e abri o seu blog e quando eu comecei a ler eu tive que me segurar pra não desabar. Mas o velho sentimento do estômago afundando e levando o resto de você junto estava aqui, mais forte do que nunca. Você pode até não ter querido dar a entender que tava terminando, mas deu. Volta la e olhe o que vc escreveu e se imagine lendo aquilo. Eu sei que as coisas não devem estar fáceis pra você também. Mas você falou como se estivesse entregando a toalha e pior, que era pro meu bem. E eu não estou pronta pra isso ainda. Talvez eu devesse deixar vocÊ ir. Mas eu não consigo.

perfect week end

so this is it then? you're breaking up with me over the blog.

i wish i was someone else

someone better.

there are all the problems...

and my girlfriend...
she's not.

And I tried.

I tried hard to mend my wicked ways
But, oh, the damage done...

wish upon a star

I want to be dependable, I want to be courageous and good
I want to be faithful so that I can be heroic and true
I want to be a friend you can rely on you can lean on and trust
I want to understand so I can forgive and be willing to love

breaking up the girl

call me a coward, but right now all I wanna do is run...

everything is broken

so what do I have left to lose anymore?

worse

worse coming home ever
worse holiday everever
worse christmas
worse night ever
worse everything ever

i had the weirdest dream last night

and I got a head (and a heart) ache again.

road thoughts

After all, even with all the trouble, you still put a stupid smile on my face all the time.
If I look up to the future, you're the only one I can see; and I cant help but smile.
I worry all the time - about everything. Boys, cigarettes, diseases, your family, your happines. The list goes on. And yes, I'm jealous.
I always want a little bit of you - and I'm learning to accept I'll always have less than the computer.
I'm cold, and I dont know if I can change that. But I can try and be closer.
I dont know what went wrong, nor if I'll find out. But I'm not willing to let go without good fight.
When I think about it, I remember how it felt eveytime I dreamt about you being with someone else - and I dont know if I could stand that in real life. Therefore, I dont know if I can keep my promise of always being close if you're with someone else (at least for a while).
And that's it for today.

before sunrise

All we are is stardust

STUPID

I should wear a "STUPID" sign on my forehead.

wondering

Eu fico imaginando como e porque a gente está dando um tempo. O que aconteceu pra gente chegar aqui? Eu não gosto do resultado. E não vejo sentido. Eu gosto de você e você gosta de mim (e a atração obviamente ainda existe, mais forte do que no início). Então o que aconteceu conosco...? Eu queria ter a resposta. Mas a única que eu tenho é: eu gosto de você e eu não vou desistir. Não importa o quão dificil seja.

w.i.l

taisetsu na hito ni sae todokanai kono kara ga
jama o shite karamawari suru
kurikaesu nami no oto odayaka na kono toki ga
shitsu you ni boku o oiyatte

why cant i EVER just be a good girlfriend? why do i ALWAYS have to screw it up? im tired. why cant i just stop crying, being a complete idiot, and ACT!

loser

L
O
S
E
R

idiota

the idiot is me

;)

the best time ever.

the fence that brings us apart

feeling alone and lonely;
like bubble boy jimmy again
like I can never have what I want
like there's no place for me anywhere
like nothing is ever enough
just like I always felt

the beatles were wrong

love is never just enough

faith

I wish I knew what to do to make it right again.
But everytime I try make it worse.

anne

wish I could be someone else.
runaway. disappear. dig a hole and die in it would be just as fine.

(y)

evolution:

from untouchable to unable to touch.
is there really a difference?
I guess it's just disappearing anyway...

same

it’s always the same way for me
blue turns soft with time
broke remains, an everyday disguise
ending in the same way. . .the same way